Tag Archives: Colin Jost

Trave(r)sure[as] Viewed from East–2–West

rue Perrault, casi esquina con:

Mean, while Nicole's 7 year–old

Mean, while Nicole’s 7 year–old discovers the deeper shade of Wonder right in front of La llamada “Colonnade” de Paname, … [R]edacted.

Le FumOIR

… musical guest:
When a Pardon Arrives at 64
you make the best of
TERRA cIELO —M.A.R.É!!!

Bye-By: bees

Featuring, The Bye–By: Bees

Esto es una Bomba Yucateca
y no La Bamba Karateca,

Levallois is loosing its BEEs

Levallois is losing its BEEs, Monsieur Macron!!! Its BEES!!! Can EWE imagine Levallois Green Buses without its main actors on its Crest? ZOMBIE Bees produce SHIT!!! Shit, Mr. President.
Do you want Shit spread on them crêpes? Of course you don’t, it was a rhetorical Question, and This, NIÑO luc, T.H.I.S. is why Öüï Write… even if you wont read this most — motherfunking — inconsequential blog.

ISSY VENGO VENGO
VOY que Llego YegEau

https://www.20minutes.fr/amp/a/2522675

Festival de Cannes: Ce qu’on peut dire du film de Tarantino à chaud et sans spoiler

C'est Arrive un 21 MAI

C’est Arrive un 21 MAI: 4 stars out of Five

Mean, while “the” Rockefeller Center prepares Season 45, at Gnome Central on “their” Weekend Update, it appears that the Harvard G.N.O.M.E. is hearing weddin’ bells; Or’… hear me out Lorne: It’s a recurring Theme following the success relation between the Pete’s and the Gomez–es–ese of the season ender of Season 43. Fucking Gnomes have all the L.U.C.K., niño Luc.

Weekend Edition Round Up at the Ed Sullivan Report

I don’t care what Ewe think.

Readers Digest’s:f02525e9-2306-4638-8a19-6897577f0307

This is: The ColberthRAND Report with Kat MotherFUNwhack McKinnon. Sponsored by Canned Heat, Rockey Mountain Oysters and, of course, Bradley Cooper’s Canned Oyesters.

Bright Sombras—Nada más:7c91bd20-a372-4a2d-8abe-0e6446fcba71

On today’s course:

1.

Sorry Omar, the Melting Pot is being held hostage, “and so there was only one thing left that Öüî, the staff,could do”. Find out, what it is that we could do, only on The ColberthRAND Report.

With the Martin Luther King, Jr. Federal Holiday officially closed, we now enter into the 21st day of the year with Donald Trump officially in office, and Pete Williams Davidson (Sorry, Pete Williams) can now officially lend us his voice over to US [wabbits], as Öüî rewiew Yao and Intocable.

Kool Aid ®️ follows:2af7dac5-f583-4f37-9552-f9d3d6732b23 —•|~~€ ISSY, Omar, yo, Armando Segovia / Armando Serrano Prieto no sé si en Burquina Faso, o mismo en el Gran Congo las cosas marchen bien o el asunto este de la chingada como en Managua, en Guatemala, o en TELEVISA; por poner una señal de referencía, pero lo cierto es de que “el doctor netas” se comporta igualito como el clán Azcárraga lo hizo cuando el Clán Ázcarraga era “el mejor guardia civil” del supremo gobierno. De cualquier manera Omar, tú no eres africano, tú eres francés (y aparte Bradley Cooper te enseño a cocinar comida para los Michelines–es–eses; y luego aparte, Omar, pues Francia no sufre d’ese tipo de “jineteadas” por los poderes en turno). ¡Qué va!

2.

DEJE DE TOQUETEAR AL CORSARIO AND STEP AWAY FROM THE RAIDER, Bill Majer! If you want liquid chocolate visit my nigga Michael Che over at Michael’s Bird Cages and Beyond, he’s got scoops for you in some kind of Shack. Now, Bill, you fucking Licantropo in #Howl, tonight there’s an eclipse. Here  goes an amulet for You, and EyE want EwE, motherfucker, to share the visuals with the “Shameless” William H. Macy, over at the ColberT ReporT. Needles to say, the pages are in no need of glue, so Aim High, motherfuckers.

MAI 1974 follows… BUNNY!!! Mis-en-Scene, Bunny. Hurry up doll. Frank is almost here.

And God created Women:3c54de8f-7b76-44a3-8170-82298eb8be9a — A friend would like to thank the SDF who left this for US [wabbits] so that Öüî could pick Hugh’s Hype like an Easter Egg — in January. Thank You, Chuy. It’s NICE to see a bush again.

Musical Guest:
Delgado del Fundillo
y
Los J’aime Le Carton.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=t1Cluqi3yW0

En Vivo desde La Placita
Gilberto Bosques
CASI Esquina con Alfonso Reyes
en
MARSELLA.

Anyway, Bill Maher, YOU fuckers are doing it again. Y’all are HYPING the 2020 Doll House and it’s not even Christmas yet. HOW ABOUT worrying about IMPEACHMENT FIRST.

And another thing, Bill, the next time that you feel the urge to cover GENTRIFICATION, ask Robert O’Rourke, from El Chuco, please. And as you do, stroke him for your viewers and fondle him like you did with Tiny, the American Hand-Ball player this past Friday.

Now go get Stormy Daniels and apologize to her for being such a patronizing prick, always praising The Hefe’ at the Playboy Mansion, and telling your experience, much like Los Amigos de México en Francia tell theirs as they brag about their exchanges with Carlos Fuentes. My point, Werewolf, is that you praise the Playboy creator for his lifestyle, and then you feel sorry for a porn star who fucks because she likes it and because she gets legal tax-deductible tender for shacking at work, as opposed to those who fuck to climb up the hierarchy scheme at his or her place of Work.

3.

Dear Omar Sy: Hoy no hubo Martin Luther King Jr. Day in Hollywood.

No offense, Kevin Heart, Öüî don’t mean to “Driss” Ewe like this, pero De arranque, la versión de intocable en Inglés del bueno (en Mulholland Dr.), hÚbiese estado mejor si Bradley Copper played the role of “Driss”. Context for Kevin Heart follows:3eb19fd4-b61f-4351-84e6-61a9fbe7b5dd

Coming up in:

UNA COMEDIA DE ENREDOS:
BENALLA Y LOS PALMARES DE FRANCIA… just kidding. —Not really, Hold that PHONE CALL Brontis à La Préfecture, “ADN” follows.

La puerta está abierta.

AMERICA
please relay to the Reverend Al Sharpton,
that from the Transnational experience,
on this Side of the Atlantic,
Miss Berthrand,
we [the staff]
just witnessed a most regretAble opportunity Americans, who want to Make Trump Great Again, that there are other
Eddie Murphy’s who can pull
a “Dexter” accent, better than
the Beverly Cop could ever ring.

WHY?
Why, Malcolm’s dad?
Why?

Get A RopE:0dd15440-8597-4c3a-8aba-dfed01a9cfff

Happening right now in Marsella, live:
una Artista que sí entiende
el “skit skat” en la música de Jazz…
what a difference a Coast makes.

22.30 CET

The Purple Pundit is going to show it to YOU!

Verbatim.

VICE President, Mike Pence says that Donald Trump is Like Something Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., would look like, or someting like that in Amerikkka today.

Dear, Nicole: say, were those Monday Teal Suade Military Issued pumps that you wore during tonight’s show? Nice! They look better than that other gal’s, god damned Ruby Tuesday, chanclas.

 

 

Song of the Year… y las tangentes del Santoral

November 10th, 2017

It’s Weekend Edition…

We begin with our 2nd favorite Jew, Sarah Silverman, the comediēnne who doesn’t need no stinkin’ boots to kick some ass in Nashville; heck Cousin Joe, even the boys at the Weekend Update desk were “stroking” behind her, following on Sarah’s latest episode’s theme-topic … context on that segue follows, as Colin Jost and Larry David “scoop up” the details.

She puts the phonetic part of “count” in Country, Sarah’s words, more ōr less, not ours. •—¡—•. Earlier on Wednesday this week, Carrie Underwood and Brad Paisley hosted the Country and Western version of the MTV Music Awards, in a city called Nashville, Tennessee.  Branding producers of that ceremony, however, could not accomodate Sarah’s song, “Somebody Broke Her”, for this year’s competition. Sarah’s break-out song, on the Country & Western radio dials was written in collaboration with Grammy nominated composer, Lee Thomas Miller.

… but first, we begin the program by the grace of Saint Theodore (the soldier), which means, gift from God, in order to tie up some loose tangents to “il Uomo Vitruviano“, and so, on the azimuth of those proportions, we [the staff] double-over–time, to Brazile… so please, do stick around.

•—¡—•

Cuentan los que sabén, de que San Teodoro, es uno de los casos más evidentes en cuestión de aquello que los Rosicruces conocen con el mote de “desdoblamientos”; pero por la frase de ayer en el DirectMatin… mierda, Se Me Olvidaba Que, el trato Directo por las Mañanas ya había terminado, ahora hay puro CNEWS MATIN; en fin, va de nuevo,… pero por La Frase Santoral del día de Ayer, Santo Teodoro se doblaba mas que pura chingada, ese cabrón a lo mejor reencarnó en la piel de un General, pero no en la de Teodoro de Stratelatos, N + O! sino más bien en la del General Emiliano Zapata.

“Si mis discursos les ofenden, cortenme pues la lengua”.
Frase de San Teodoro (soldado).
Según las escrituras del CanalPlus (el canal de la “crucecita”)… Noviembre 09, 2017 CE.

La Tangente de una Ironía Opuestamente Diametral… An introductory course on how to square the circle in The News. —¡—.  Enter DIEUDONNÉ … The closest equivalent to this motherfucker is Sam “motherfucking” Kinnison, and Sam would still trail by a long shot; of course, Kinnison screamed his vocal chords out against Christians, more specifically, against Rev. Jim Baker’s Christians, while Dieudonné’s bread and butter is earned by bashing on Israel, more specifically, of the Benjamin Netanyahu ranks.

… BROZO! Chingas a tu madre… Ay te caigo, deja me la desdoblo — TimeStamp: 15h00 CET… La Hora De Intermarket

…

Las Fuentes que se ven al voltear un reloj de arena son diametralmente opuestas to the sand that turned from inside of the glass.

1.

…

The phonetic “count” in Country, via, “I LoveYou, America”; Season 1, Episode 4. perhaps the runner-up for next year’s Emmy in the category for “best episode in a season”, but who knows, surely there are more emotive and in–your–face episodes of Sarah on the interwebs streams. Heck! i reckon that if the Jews wouldn’t have killed “baby Jesus” when he was ∴ 33 ∴, Laughter’s Mom would be the reincarnation —in Vesica Piscis form— of “the” Saint Theòdores of antiquity.

2.

Ever wonder why “Bountiful Snow” Gnomes cheeks have a squirrel-like quality to them? It’s because the cheeks serve as a storage space compartment. In the FreeStyle Hoboing “masturbation session” competition, “Bountiful Snow” Gnomes are the perfect “scoopers” of jizz and squirt. Of course, the second part in the judging section requires the aid of a troll, preferably a long skinny one that can jerk a pump-suction broom (kind of like Canadian Curlers do) to toss the loads into the scoring Gnome’s pie hole as the competitors run is spewed on the tracks. Enter Larry David… and you, my friend, can imagine “the rest of the story.  Good day.”

It’s time for another event of our exclusive coverage of The 33rd edition of The FreeStyle Hoboing Games. In this edition, we [ the staff] descend upon Times Square’s Metro station where Colin Jost and Larry David are ready to score the most taboo of the games competition: The Masturbation Session… Los Amigos Invisibles ya están listos para animar a los espiritus participantes y a los Gnomos encargados de medir las corridas de cada uno de los y, de las participantes. After the break, our correspondent, Catalonio Barcelonnetto de Peralvillo, the Sylph, will explain how each load is scored in every round.

3.

…

🎶 Oh say, Michael Che…

Dear, SPC* Michael Che..

So, according to Resident Young Person and, eternal basic training ‘phase one’ recruit, Pete Davidson, no one blasts the National Anthem out of the speakers of their automobile… perhaps, PVT Davidson, perhaps; however, we [the staff] are willing to bet that like Serge Gainsbourg’s take on La Marseillaise, Marvin’s rendition of the Star Spangled Banner has been responsible for one or two ‘accidental babies’ that were made in the back seat of car.

you are not listening to it in the right context, please:

Stand At Attention:

… Un minuto, por favor.

But you are correct, SPC. Che, México does deserve a bit of recognition, just not entirely for things that your script writers would have you perhaps believe and then “babble out” on your Weekend (Thursday) Update report, but rather because 12 years ago, Mexico was one the first to CROSS THE BORDER when Katrina struck New Orleans.

This time around, a dozen years later, a storm christened by U.S. meteorologist as ‘Harvey‘ has rearranged the priorities of the peoples of Southeast Texas, and once again, the people of Mexico have not shied away from lending a helping hand to their neighbors to the North, be this in the form of logistical humanitarian aid from the Mexican Army, or from a handful of bread makers that symbolically engage in a plan of action designed to feed those who lost everything, all the while showing a little support to the White, and to the Black and, to the Japanese people of The Gulf… Entonces, pues: shout-out to PVT-1 Colin Jost, for catching that demagogic nuance on a segment of the Arizona rally speech of Donald Trump.

KUMAMOTO FOR PRESIDENT IN 2018

Uso justo del Pinche Brozo… licenciado Trujilllo, dice nuestro editor-en-fuga, Catalonio Barcelonnetto de Peralvillo, que por favor le comunique usted mismo [no el puto de Rafa] a su ex colaboradors La Reata, que él también está dispuesto a luchar sin la máscara de látex con ella en el asiento trasero de un Shelby-Maverick modelo 1973, siempre y cuando, el Secretario Chong este dispuesto a re-masterizar la versión censurada del Himno Nacional Mexicano por [el maestro] Dámaso Pérez Prado Prado.

… Segnoras y segnores, con ustedes:

La Reata de Brozo

Uso justo de las mujeres del licenciado Brozo para poder reciclar lo que dice el twit del personaje más feminista del doctor Víctor Trjillo, allá cuando “El Magnanero” ocupana un espacio en Televisa… Secretario Osorio Chong, ¿a poco las banderas no se ven bien cuando se usan —como dicen los franceses— de “culottes” para mujer? Díganos, sr. Secretario, ¿a poco, this Checkered Flag, no se ve bien arropando a mi Reata como si fuera uno de los NiÑos Héroes; a poco no, Secretario?

* … el la escala de salarios y rangos en el ejercito estadounidense (llámese—Yankee) el grado de SPC E-4, en una escala que va desde el E1 hasta el E9, se le llama “especialista” y tiene la misma remuneración que un Caporal, pero no el mismo nivel de liderazgo, ni de autoridad.

The “Movie”… a Chris Matthews production

RetoBlog del MonoAureo (Update).

Thursday July 21, 2016
Best Pay-Per-View Infomercial in the WWF*
Free of charge… just pay Shipping & Handling
Conditions will apply!!!

* world wraslin’ federation

Michael Che wants to see a "movie"… Chris Matthews wants to know what hotel the SNL crew is staying in. | Law Enforcement Joe (Arpaio) speaks tonight in Cleveland.

Michael Che wants to see  a  “movie”…  Chris  Matthews  wants  to know what hotel the  SNL  crew  is staying  in  at.  |  Law  Enforcement  Joe  (Arpaio)  speaks  tonight in Cleveland.

[Luego te la platico…].

TimeStamp 01h 30m  [TimeNow] … GhostWriter for Trump calls the casino owner a good salesman and psychopath. Brian Williams adage for this timeslot:

“Just make sure you spell my name right“.

Trump has entered the Arena… in Central Europe it is now 3 in the morning…

“You Should be Dancing”

One of the so-called "esoteric views" of a guy named Thiel [from Silicon Valley] is that he doesn't believe in democracy, hates Gawker, and swears that DEATH will be beaten during his lifetime. | Oh-Say-can-you-see?

18-Again… One of the so-called “esoteric views” of a guy named Thiel [from Silicon Valley] is that he doesn’t believe in democracy, hates Gawker, and swears that DEATH will be beaten during his lifetime. | Oh-Say-can-you-see? |  Brian Williams [did i get your name right?] confirms that: We all know that George Burns was the only one that could have beaten Death.

 And now… a family flick
Starring: John Voight

Here comes the sun… A George Harrison gem desecrated at the 2016 RNC.

Here comes the sun… A George Harrison gem desecrated at the 2016 RNC. |

 

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