Previously on los aguacates de (haass):
The Situation was put in charge of the avocado distribution logistics for the Souper Bowl. Needless to say, D.A.T. D.A.R.E. motherfucker fucked up the port of entry authority by sending the cargo that originated in Lázaro Cárdenas, Michoacán, to a final destination in the Isle of Jersey, U.K., instead of New Jersey, U.S. of A.
For the record, the first thing that the European market should know about the Avocado Club is, D.A.T. you always talk about the Avocado Club, por ejemplo, Carol Anne, people should not throw away the avocados that they purchased at their local supermarket on account of the strings that you discovered on your most recent purchase, but if you do, please let u.s. know the next thyme you plan on prepping a guacamole bowl, aussi, the secret to a killer guacamole is a dash of comino, for every aguacate half in the bowl.
Por ejemplo, Eddie Gloude, Jr… pay no attention to the navigation manifest in the Agent Angle report, because the trip advisor did not factor in the weather advisory and the fact that The Situation couldn’t even find out where ROMA is on a map and that sonovabitch is a Woppy-guinea-goomba bambino from The Shore.
So, when thyme came to ask for a Sit-rep on the arrival of the cargo de Lázarus, The WHO immediately pointed their fingers to The Boss, meanwhile in France, the price of avocado (haass) dropped to a ridiculous low Price, the result of The Situation’s fuck up over on the DC coast.
One of the first things that the prestigious Council of Avocado Relations did to get to the bottom of this colossal fuck-up was to call all of the Families for a SitDown at Gino’s place, —In IRELAND!
Gentlemen, The Jersey Shore extends a most sincere apology for The Situation’s fuck-up, to make up for our failure to properly train our logistical operation captains on how to read a fucking MANIFEST’s destiny, Öüï will be including an additional LOT of Jamaican Greengold on every ship until FAT TUESDAY is gone.
On today’s menu
Chilly con carne a la italiana with a side of Avocado (haass) and Camembert. Ketch-up if you can.